So for the past week or so, I’ve been really thinking about the direction of this blog and what it means to me. It feels like I only get inspiration to write when I’m feeling really depressed because I need to let all my sadness out but this needs to be a place where I learn and find a happy place. There’s so much I want to write that’s been pent up inside of me for a long time. I would make a diary but there’s something satisfying about other people reading about my life. It makes the world seem a little less cold and a little more connected. Anyways, the reason I started this blog is because im lonely. It scares me because life is short and it feels like I don’t have anyone to share it with. I’m very grateful to have a caring family but I also want a group. I want a group of people that I found entirely on my own who love me for who I am not because they were forced to know me as family but because they made the choice to be my friend. I have a group of people I call “friends” but they all seem to put themselves first and I don’t feel like myself when I’m with them. I feel gossipy and judgmental and it sucks that we can’t have late night conversations about issues in the world but instead have to concern ourselves about who’s dating who. anyways, I know other people have wayyy more serious issues but it sucks to go through life like this. I don’t want to go through the motions anymore and I’m trying to find happiness within myself and document the journey. If you’d like to tag along for the serious posts and also the fun ones (thursday thoughts and friday faves are for sure happening this week!) then you can click the follow button!
P.S. I just realized I used the word depressed in this post. I do not have depression and I know that it can be considered wrong to throw around the word depressed when depression is a very real medical disorder; but, in my opinion, I think one can feel depressed without having depression. I have gone through prolonged periods of sadness and although it has not escalated to anything serious I still feel very low and vulnerable during these times. I just wanted to acknowledge this because I wanted everyone to know that I respect the severity of depression and understand that it is a real disorder.